The Entirety of This Thing Called My Life

Let's take it back to Sunday...

My good friend Kyle sends me a message on facebook about a posting he saw for a replacement Bloody Mary on the national tour of South Pacific. I figure that I might as well put in for it. I've always wanted to do a national tour, and I missed the auditions a few years ago when it opened on Broadway. What's the worst that could happen? They say no and I keep going. Around 1 am, I finish with my cover letter, attach my head shot and resume, and hit the send button. And then I wait.

Monday comes and goes without a word from the casting company. All I keep thinking is that I should have waited and made a video. It's an option that's listed on their website for out of town people, but I knew that it wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to get in front of these people, let them see my energy, really hear my voice. A video can't really project the funny, warm person that I am, you know? So, I was a little bummed that I hadn't heard anything.

Tuesday morning, still no word. Just after 2 pm, I had just started working my online job. Of course, the phone rings and I can't pick it up. It is a 212 number. The voice mail says it's the casting company. I have an appointment for 10:45 am on Thursday. Please call back to confirm and so they can give me the audition materials. I completely lose it. I start texting my boss at the Institute and then have my online job boss call me. I tell them I am headed to New York the next day and that I won't be in for the next two days. Everyone agrees. I call back the casting company and confirm. At 6 pm, I start researching flights and hotels. By 10 pm, I have everything booked. I start relearning my lines. I still have my flash cards from when I did the show back in 2006. (Has it really been six years? Crazy.) Thankfully, Rudy (my director at Light Opera Works, where I played the role) had me sing Happy Talk at a benefit earlier this summer so I remember the music, and Bali Ha'i is not a song you ever forget. I knew I would be fine with the music.

I spend Wednesday morning packing and learning lines. My flight leaves at 2 pm. I arrive at JFK just after 6. The hotel tells me they are "upgrading" me to a suite, which means I get a small kitchen. It also means that I have NO view. I open the window shades and it's a rooftop full of garbage bags. Seriously. Not kidding. I was not a happy camper. (Needless to say, I will be writing to them sometime in the next couple of days. Don't ever stay at the Affinia Manhattan.) I spend the rest of the evening walking around New York City. I have no jacket on. The night is beautiful.

I walk the few blocks over to Pearl Studios so I know exactly which way to go for my audition the next morning. There is this weird energy about New York, a kind of silent buzz that doesn't stop. I know that this is not my city. I keep thinking of Chicago and missing home. I haven't even been gone half a day. I walk past the theater for the musicals of Newsies and Mary Poppins. I stop to get roasted cashews for my first part of dinner. Then stop for a NY slice, part two. (Blasphemy, I know.) I think I make it to Times Square, but by this time, I am tweeting with a very cute copy editor from the New York Times that I follow. I couldn't believe that he was actually paying attention to me. He said that I'd get double bonus points if I find a corner in the city where I could see two Duane Reades (a drugstore). I find this while standing in front of Parson's School of Design. (My inner design geek was freaking out. This was the fashion building where they film Project Runway. As Tim Gunn always said, Make it work!) During the tweeting, I realize that I've been to New York several times and have never been to the actual New York Times offices. It's just a block away. Some of you know that I'm kind of a journalism geek as well, so this is a pretty big deal. Dinner part three is the hot dog cart just on the corner. (Ketchup and mustard. Blasphemy again. Also, truly disappointing. And you know how much I love my hot dogs.) I finally make it back to the hotel around 10:30, sore feet and all. Did I mention I forgot to bring sneakers? Heeled boots around New York isn't the smartest thing I've ever done. I look over my lines a couple more times and then bed.

Thursday morning. Audition day. I have breakfast in the hotel restaurant (again, disappointing) and head back upstairs. I finally sing full out for a few minutes. Nope. No belting that A for me, which worried me. It's broadway. They want belt. But I figured I'd rather play it a little safe and sound good. I can belt the rest of the song in the right parts. I try on jeans and pants with my top, and go with the pants. I put on my character shoes and hit the street.

I get up to the studios and it's like a maze! There are rehearsal rooms everywhere, and 2 flat screen tvs that list who is in each room. It's like I'm at the airport looking at the terminal listings. I've never seen anything like this in my life. The guy at the desk helps me to find the second penthouse suite. The hallway where I wait is very small and narrow, just enough room for a folding chair, but if someone was actually sitting there, you couldn't really get by. I hear another person singing Bali Ha'i. I thought it was a man. It might have been. But there was a guy in another rehearsal room next door. Who knows?

The girl who is checking people in tells me that they are running early and that I could go in next if I want. I say sure and ask if I can take my water bottle in with me. She says yes and opens the door. I walk towards the piano and place my water down. I say hello to everyone in the room. Behind the table are: an older man, a woman (the director I believe), and a younger man. There is also one (hot) guy to my left, who ends up reading lines with me. We sing first. I nail Bali Ha'i vocally, but my old bad habits show. My nerves are getting the best of me. I am "acting" rather than being. I get through the whole thing and the younger guy gets up. We go over how he wants me to think of the song. Grounded. I start again and this time I stand still. No hands. Just me and the music. Much better. I can see the guy out of the corner of my eye, coaching me a little, holding me back and then letting me go when I needed to. It was so helpful. The director whispers every once in a while.

Then comes the part where I have to do the scenes. I start with the opening bit where Bloody Mary is trying to sell her grass skirts. I am too animated. I am not gruff enough. The director works with me a little. I get more and more frustrated to the point where I'm forgetting the lines. It is not a good reading. I give it up then. They say thank you and that is all. I thought I had bombed it since they didn't ask me to come for the call back. I pick up my water bottle and head out the door.

The hallway is now full of people, and they are all very kind and complimentary. One girl looks kind of familiar. The monitor thanks me for flying in from Chicago. The familiar girl perks up. We find that we're both Light Opera Works people (though I don't think we've done a show together before). I think that she said that she is in for the understudy of Nelly. She has a three ring binder in her hand and is working with another guy and girl on staging. Then as I put my coat on, the monitor asks me to stay behind a minute. The casting people are still discussing, but they want to talk to me. I figure that this is where they'll tell me to go look over my lines again and come back later in the afternoon for the callback. Within a minute or so, the door opens and 2 of the people come out, the woman who I think is the director and the younger man. They thank me for coming out and start to ask about my availability. I tell them that my flight is out at 8 so I can come back whenever they need me to that afternoon. They say that they don't need to see me again. I am extremely confused. Then the director says that she'll want to work with me for a few weeks (I think) and that they send a contract over and that's when it hits me. Contract? Contract means that I got it. So I ask her, "you mean I got it?" She said yes and that they want to work with me. I start bawling. This is unbelievable. I can barely talk. I am instantaneously apologizing profusely for crying, thanking them for hiring me, jumping up and down and kinda bouncing around squeeing. Everyone in the hallway is happy for me, and the girl helping with the couple going over lines introduces herself as the stage manager. I am in shock.

The director tells me to go enjoy the rest of my day in the city. The younger guy tells me to go relax and get a manicure. I tell them that I'm going to go spend some time with friends and celebrate. I am still crying as I walk down the hallway and people are congratulating me. As soon as the door to the stairwell hits, I start hyperventilating as I get my mother on the phone, and can barely get out the words to tell her. Just ahead of me is the guy who was reading lines with me. He is kind and understanding. I walk into the main hallway full of girls. Some kind of cattle call is going on. They are all staring at me with what feels like daggers in their eyes. I get the elevators and wait with him and one other girl. I lose my mother on the phone once the elevator starts to move. I thank the guy for reading with me. I am still crying. As get off the elevator, he explains to the girl ahead of us that I have just landed the national tour. She is excited for me. Most of this is just a blur by now.

I hit the street and start making phone calls again. I cannot stop crying. An hour goes by. Still crying as I talk to people. The love start pouring in on Facebook and Twitter. My best friend Erich has made me a Facebook fan page. (As of this morning, there are 85 members. How is this possible?) I am completely overwhelmed. I head back to the hotel to pack up my things. I leave the suitcase behind and meet my friend Wes for a quick hug since he is at Macy's just a block away. We marvel at the fact that I did all this and without an agent. How is this possible? I walk with him the few blocks towards his lunch date and have a quick catch up on his life. I am so happy to simply see him for that brief moment. There are some people that are just a joy to be around. He is one of them.

I head over to Herald Square (I think?) and wait to meet with my other friend Elizabeth and her husband. There is much squeeling, hugging, jumping, and rejoicing when we finally connect. We decide to head up to this amazing diner for lunch. It's a hole in the wall, but it has a 24 page menu (the name escapes me right now, but I'll update it later). You can find whatever your heart desires. Seriously. I finally have an awesome slice of real NY pizza. And then another. And then a cannoli that they fill when you order it. Nothing pre-made here. AMAZING. We spend hours gabbing and catching up. I am beyond happy. She's one of my sisters and it's as if no time has gone by. Her husband Jared is adorable. I love them so much. I can't wait to see them again when I go back to the city later this month. (eeee! going back!)

Then I head back to the hotel to get my things, hop the F train and a bus to get to Laguardia. As I touch down in Chicago, I am again overwhelmed. I call my mother as we taxi down the runway and start crying (yes, again.) I am coming back to Chicago a different person. My entire life has changed. It has finally happened. When I finally get off the phone with my mother, the woman in the seat in front of me congratulates me and asks what has happened. The man in the seat next to me talks about his tickets to the Lyric. I am still in shock.

Friday, I get up and go to work. I slowly begin telling people. I have put my notice in to both my jobs (just not sure what day I'm actually leaving though.) I start telling people that I will have to say goodbye for a while. To be honest though, it was more of a sad day than anything.

And now it is Saturday. Reality is setting in. I am going to leave everything I know behind. I had plans. I thought I knew where my life was going. I was ready to settle down with a day job and just be normal for once. I was going to finally finish my thesis. I wanted to date. I wanted to enjoy my city and my life. Now, I've cancelled every audition that I had set up. I will email all the jobs that I applied to and tell them that I am no longer available. I will have to figure out what to do with my kitty and my apartment. I will have to find a place to live in New York for a few weeks. Luckily, I'm pretty sure that all of this already figured out (thanks to my roommate and my high school friend Justin who lives in New York). Everything is working out exactly the way I envisioned it just 6 short days ago, on a Sunday.

And yet I still just keep saying over and over, How is this my life? How is all this even possible? How is this all happening to me?